At times, I find myself wishing for the next stage in my girls’ lives.
When my frustration over Brooklyn’s two-year-old whines are pushing me towards the end of my rope, or Scarlett’s sporadic sleep schedules are making for a rather exhausting night, I tend to think about the future when I won’t be constantly cleaning up after them and changing numerous dirty diapers all day long.
I sometimes dream of the day when Brooklyn can tie her own shoes, brush her own teeth, and not have the annoying whine-cry that she has seemed to perfect in about two days’ time. Or the day when Scarlett will take long naps and sleep through the night without me needing to rise and break up my peaceful slumber.
But then, remorse fills me. I can’t believe I am actually wishing away my daughter’s need for snuggles all day long, her request for singing song after song while sitting on my lap, laughing and looking at me like I’m the coolest person there ever will be.
Or the way my baby girl sleepily opens her eyes during the middle of the night after I pick her up, immediately drawing close to me, and knowing that everything is right again. And the biggest smile you can imagine when I walk into her room, lighting up her face because I am near.
My girls need me to live in the now. I realize that once this stage is over, I will miss it so much. That sweet, sweet smell of freshly washed baby skin. That little hand holding mine as we cross the street because she’s scared of oncoming cars and she knows mommy knows best….
I will miss it all.
And so, even during those frustrating times, I am determined to live out each day not wishing these magical times away with my girls.
Because even though I see “good” in the coming stages, I also see “bad” in leaving these behind.